Tag Archives: Evolution

End of the Semester

12 Dec

It’s here!  My first semester as a Master’s student is complete!

I might say that I feel like I’ve… evolved!

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Gen 5 Pokémon Premier!

16 Sep

Today, something amazing happened.  That’s right, the Japanese games for Pokémon Black and White began leaking information.  So, naturally, Taylor and I have spent a straight 5 hours chatting about them.  We present to you or individual Top Ten lists along with a collaborative Worst (dressed) Gen 5 Pokémon list.  Enjoy!  Keep in mind that the majority of these Pokémon will have their names changed once the games are released in America next Spring.  If you’re interested in checking out all of the new Pokémon head over to Serebii.

Elliott’s Top Ten:

  1. 612 Ononokosu  – This pure dragon type just screams utter badass.  With a phenomenal design and crazy-high attack complimented by good speed, this pokemon not only looks good but fights well.  I have been in love with this design since the first time I saw it.
  2. 609 Shanderra  – A Ghost/Fire type that makes complete sense.  The design of the evolution chain is ingenious.  Complimented with a great Sp. Atk., this is one to watch out for.  I mean, shit, it’s just awesome.
  3. 579 Rankurusu  – Ever since this pokemon was pre-released, it has held a special place in my heart.  It has a decent stat set and an intriguing design that makes me giggle.  It also reminds me of a Sinestro Corps member in Green Lantern…
  4. 561 Shinpora  – This pokemon has an extremely unique design that seems like it has some Native American origins (either a dreamcatcher or beads).  On top of that, it has well-rounded stats.
  5. 601 Gigigear  – This is how evolutions (at least mechanical) are supposed to work: an increasingly complex design that really works well.  Sure, it’s not my top choice for Steel (if I actually really ever used steel, that is), but I love the design.
  6. 564 Purotooga  – There are a lot of turtles in Pokemon games.  Wartortle holds a special place in my heart.  Nevertheless, the simplistic sea turtle design and its subsequent evolution make this one very appeasing.  Plus, Taylor hypothesizes that this may be a fossil.  Turtle fossil?  Awesome.
  7. 510 Leperasudu  – I like cats, and this one is no exception.  Sure, I probably won’t use it in-game, but it sure looks sleek and pretty.  I mean, really, I don’t think I have used a cat pokemon in-game since Meowth when I played Blue just so I could get some more money.
  8. 549 Doreida  – This pokemon is just super cute.  I adore it.  Plus, it has decent stats.  I think we’re in love.
  9. 542 Hahakurimo  – I like that this pokemon is a nice mix of grassy praying mantis with leaves or whatever.  It has a nice elegant feel to it even if it’s reminiscent of Rosalie.
  10. 628 Wargle  – You know, I never thought Pokemon could make an eagle look so appealing.  On top of that, its stat sets are pretty nice, too.

Taylor’s Top Ten:

  1. 604 Shibirudon – just awesome for being the third Pokemon to have no weaknesses and the first electric to have no weaknesses.
  2. 628 Wargle – pretty self-explanatory, it’s just awesome. It’s a strong flying-type with an interesting enough design.
  3. 584 Baibanira – really innovative besides having surprisingly good stats. And strong ice-types are pretty difficult to pick out.
  4. 579 Rankurusu – good translation in it’s evolution chain besides having high HP and special attack. Aside from low speed, it’s a pretty ideal psychic-type.
  5. 609 Shanderra – really stood out as one of the most well-designed Pokemon in a long ass time. Besides making logical sense um it’s a haunted ass chandelier. And it’s a strong fire-type. Done and done.
  6. 612 Ononokosu – really well designed and will probably be the envy of the Pokemon league. It’s stats are ideal for a heavy-hitter.
  7. 567 Aakeosu – stronger than Wargle for a flying type, although IMMA GET REAL it’s not nearly as cool looking. But I think it’s an interesting fossil-type (as I’ve hypothesized). Definitely just as innovative as the Gen III fossils and way more kick ass.
  8. 555 Hihidaruma – an obvious choice for a fire-type on any team since his attack is almost unreal for someone of his type.  He’s actually probably a better option for a non-starter/non-legendary fire-type than Arcanine and I’m probably most interested to see his moveset.
  9. 623 Goruggo – neat on its own. It’s definitely intimidating and has some formidable stats to back it up. I’d say it’s pretty ideal for ghost-type. Less so for a ground-type, but Earthquake is strong enough to make it worth battling.
  10. 589 Shubarugo – seems like a pretty advanced type to work with since steel and bug-types are pretty underused. But with its’ stat values as high as they are (sans speed) I’d imagine in the right trainer’s party it can just demolish.

The Bottom Ten:

  1. 560 Zuruzukin
    E: To me, it frankly looks like someone threw up on a fire-y clitoris.
    T:  How does it feel to be the bane of the generation? Yeah, and then chewed it up.
  2. 533 Dotekkotsu
    T: Clown on steroids. Veins should be kept inside the body
    E: In regards to the clitoris, it looks like an enraged penis lifting iron.
    T: YES. With vibrating cockrings around its arms.

  3. Genie Trio – Torunerosu, Borutorosu, Randorosu
    E: Completely unnecessary Legendaries yet again from GameFreak. I want to take those swirly things and shove them down their fucking throats.
    T: They all look like they’re covered in herpes and I can’t believe they got lazy and decided to basically reuse the same design for all of them.
  4. 508 Muurando
    T: Cousin It fucked a sphynx.
    E: Looks like what the drowned girl from The Ring would look like if she was a dog.
    T: If I catch one I’m naming him Wilford Brimley.
  5. 629 Baruchai
    T: It’s a rhino-bird wearing a chastity belt.
    E: Looks like a zit with a hair coming out of it. I would chuck it against a wall.
    T: Yeah, it should have been aborted.  It’s not a horn, I just realized, it just has a really fat face.
    E: We all make mistakes.  Like its mother made when it birthed it.
    T: It looks like a cyst with feathers wearing a chastity belt.
  6. 537 Gamageroge
    E: Boobtitzits – that is all.  (I’m oddly focused on zits all of a sudden)
    T: Morbidly obese toad with BOOBS on its HEAD. Definitely earned B/W an M-rating.
    E: Awwwh shit.
  7. 516 Hiyakki
    E: I believe my comment earlier was Jackie O as a monkey.
    T: I concur. Is it wearing make-up? I’ve already got PETA on the other line.
  8. 531 Tabunne
    T: I mean it’s pretty malformed. And the earlobes are like whaaaat.
    E: It just looks so damn cute that I want to punch it… hard.
    T: I wonder how it walks when it’s bow-legged and pigeon-toed.
    E: Through the magic of being its own plastic surgeon.
  9. 632 Aianto
    T: Looks like something designed by an unpaid intern.
    E: OOOOH BAM.  That’s all that needs to be said.
  10. 538 Nageki
    T: Sesame street fighter.  I’m hilarious.
    E: I really don’t know how to follow that one.
    T: I get it, I’m a tough act to follow.
    E: So True.

What I Learned From Quantum Leap

26 Jun

Scott Bakula in skin tight anything, please

As many of my close associates know, my favorite television series of all time is Quantum Leap.  It is by far the best show that came out in the late 80s/90s, and, in my fanboy opinion, THE BEST SHOW EVER.

The show tackled some hard subjects, and I’m going to present some of the things that it taught me.

This is first and foremost the most important thing ever.  I have had dreams of Scott Bakula… We didn’t do anything, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.  I believe the show had a requirement that, for every 5 episodes, Scott had to take his shirt off at least once.  That means you could see him half naked (occasionally only in boxers!) about 4 times a season.  Each one of these episodes became 30x better for it.

“You see, your life is like a piece of string.  One end represents birth and the other death.  What if you were to crumple the string and the points where it touches each other represent points in your life?  Now, what if you were able to jump from point to point within your own lifetime?”

Easiest explanation of Time Travel/String Theory ever.  Sure, the show dealt with some paradoxes of time travel, but it was HILARIOUS and MIND-BLOWING every time!

Did you know that you can be in someone’s body and your sperm, while having sex, will remain your sperm and not the person you’re inside!?  I didn’t until SAM HAD A DAUGHTER.  Apparently, Samuel Beckett’s sperm are so powerful THEY KO TIME PARADOXES!

Like the requirement for Sam to end up in some situation requiring the REMOVAL of HIS SHIRT, about every 4 episodes in seasons 2-4 Sam would have to look up and either say “thanks!” or “what do you want me to do” or something of the sort to a divine other.  Immediately afterward, something would happen and it would all work out in Sam’s favor.  Why?  Because Sam knows science, and god respects science (excluding evolution).

Sam and Al are BESTIES, alright.  Besties.  Al is a womanizer who has had five marriages and five divorces.  Sam is a boyscout who occasionally gets some but closed his eyes when he had a chance to see Marilyn Monroe NAKED!  They are buddies, but have you ever thought that they are more than that?  IT IS FORBIDDEN LOVE!  They cannot touch each other and Al meekly coaches Sam about sex as he boasts loudly about his exploits because they’re both afraid to admit that THEY ARE IN LOVE.  If either one of them reaches out to the other, their hands go right through.  They secretly want each other, but they just won’t admit it.  Who doesn’t want to see them kiss… seriously?

How many times did Sam’s salvation rely upon Al distracting animals or using little children or crazy people?  Not many but every time it was A CLASSIC every time.

There was a controversial episode which was the Season 5 premiere that was a special two hours long with Sam leaping into LEE HARVEY OSWALD.  Plus, around this time is when the controversial JFK movie by Oliver Stone came out which proved a different consensus but was still just as controversial as the one proving the opposite… What the fuck you might say, and I agree “what the fuck.”  Nevertheless, Sam’s brain and memories started to pick up residuals of Lee Harvey Oswald’s to the point that he started speaking in an accent and KNEW RUSSIAN.  Plus, he had to attempt suicide.  This episode PROVED that the JFK assassination was a lone gunman despite Scott Bakula publicly stating that he didn’t agree with the consensus of the show, and whatever Scott Bakula thinks, YOU SHOULD THINK TOO.

I didn’t believe Vietnam sucked until I watched the 8 or so episodes of Quantum Leap that dealt, in some part, with how sucky it really sucked.  Okay, that’s a lie, but Quantum Leap CONFIRMED IT.  From floating veteran’s with no legs and MIAs to homefront heroes and cheating wife zeroes, watching Quantum Leap was like LIVING IT.  Okay, that’s a lie again, but still!

Sam has seven MASTER DEGREES.  He is a Doctor in a shitload of things.  Naturally, he is a skeptic, but Al gets the “heebie jeebies” with anything supernatural, and believes it willingly.  Sam disagrees and gets angry with how naive Al is being, but, always IN THE LAST 2 MINUTES of the show, SAM IS PROVEN WRONG.  Quantum Leap has taught me that ghosts really are real along with Bigfoot, Vampires, and DEMONS!  What other show can claim that territory (excluding the Travel Channel).

Sam leaped into a woman a lot on the show.  As the seasons went forward, he leaped into a woman more and more frequently.  At first, it was funny to watch him adjust, but then he just got really good at being a woman.  Sure, he had to deal with womanizing bosses and other sorts of evil men (HE PUNCHED THEM!!!), but the strange thing was how natural it became.  I would like to argue that Sam was BETTER AT BEING A WOMAN THAN WOMEN ARE.  The best instance of him leaping into a woman was when Sam BECAME PREGNANT!  Okay, well, he leaped into someone who was already pregnant, but he still got the munchies and pain in his fake uterus and other sorts of things.  Plus, he leaped out when HIS BABY WAS CROWNING.  Sam almost gave birth, dammit!

Over and over, the show was not bogged down in scientific facts or theories because it realized that science (excluding medicine) IS A SHAM.  Human connections were at the heart of the show, and that makes you weep… or at least me.

My Idols

Other things the show taught me:

  • The worst thing to happen in life is death
  • Farming is awesome
  • Sometimes the bad guys are the good guys
  • People in Mental Asylums are full of laughs and fun
  • There are EVIL leapers!
  • The traditional family unit is the only way to find happiness
  • Retroactive cameos are amazing
  • Swiss Cheese is the best metaphor for memory ever
  • Being forceful with women is okay as long as they are wrong and you’re trying to knock some sense in them