What did I do yesterday:
This question just had to be today… *holds head in shame*
In case you weren’t following my ceaseless amount of tweets, a group of friends and I watched the Batman XXX and Star Wars XXX porn parodies.
Now, I’ve never really watched porn from the official porn industry. I figured that the porn parodies would be hilarious and hopefully not that graphic. Unfortunately, they were VERY graphic.
I suppose the first indication in Batman XXX is the 20 minute sex scene between The Riddler and Bruce Wayne’s fiancé just so she can get a better accommodation than a jail cell. This eventually leads to Batman essentially getting date raped. Which leads to a threesome with joker and two of his wenches which inspired the onlooking Robin and Batgirl to have sex. And this all leads into the final sex scene which was a threesome between Batman/Robin/Catwoman. And the porn ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER. We invested 2 hours of our time only to have the actual story end on a cliffhanger. Mind you, it wasn’t an entire 2 hours because we ended up just watching the sex scenes at 4x speed. Batman XXX wasn’t as funny as we expected it to be, and this caused 2 of our 5 member party to leave one of which who was a girl.
After taking a slurpee break. We dived into Star Wars XXX which was a much superior film. It had a far better production value with detailed sets, and many more jokes. The writers obviously knew Star Wars pretty well in order to come up with some of the jokes. There was also a lot more action in the story to break apart the sex scenes. Mind you, it all started with Princess Leia touching herself and then giving a blow job to Darth Vader’s massive penis. Which led to Obi-Wan having a sex scene with a Tusken Raider. Leading to a really strange sex scene in the Cantina. And, by the way, they solve who shot first Han or Greedo. The end result was pretty funny. THE WORST PART of the entire evening was a CHEWBACCA AND STORM TROOPER sex scene. It was revolting and something that will forever be imprinted on my mind. There’s also a joke with a waiter on the Death Star that leads to a hilarious result. Eventually, the film concludes with a Han/Luke/Leia sex scene where Leia says she’ll teach Luke how to kiss someone he’s not related to. WEIRD INCEST IS ABOUND. Oh, and Chewbacca gets a medal.
Overall, these films will be on my mind for awhile and not in any sort of good way. Do I regret watching them? No. But, it’s going to be a long time before I watch anymore porn… a long, long time.
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