4 Turn Offs:
After lifting the weight off my chest with the post about my suicide attempt a few years back (where you can read here), I thought, “well, I don’t have to post for awhile.” Just let that one linger or something. However, I know I committed to this endeavor. So, here are my 4 turn offs.
1.) Nipple Hair
This turn off is somewhat related to Lillian’s post on 1000 Things We Hate about Man-Ass. I am an exceptionally hairy man. Particularly from about the belly button down (I AM LORD PAN). Nevertheless, nipple hair topside freaks me out. I occasionally pluck the longer hairs peaking out on the outer reaches of my nipples. It just freaks me out. And girls who have it bother me. Sorry, I can’t help it.
2.) Tan lines
I’m not sure if we’ve written a 1000 Things We Hate post about tan lines, but it will come! I just don’t like seeing where a piece of clothing used to reside. It breaks up the body and the pigment doesn’t flow smoothly into one another. It’s one of those things that, once I notice it, I will continue to freak out until I blurt out about how disgusting it is. It’s a real confidence booster for the person who has them (and yes, this applies to boys, too).
3.) Cotton Candy
People are probably all like “what!? What’s wrong with you!?” And I’m like, yeah… it freaks me out. Here’s the reasoning: I like cotton candy, but when I eat it, I like to spit into it and watch it dissolve. It makes me aware of spit, and that is not something you want to have turn you on. Also, my sister used to have a cotton candy perfume thing when she was a kid and it made me want to throw up.
Nothing spells M-O-O-D K-I-L-L-E-R quite like Pine-Sol. It’s so strong, putrid, and upsetting, that it makes an uppity up up go to a downity down down. I want you to smell fresh, but not fresh like you escaped from a mental ward through their toilet. Talk about a freak out!
[p.s. Can you find a mention of the phrase “freak out” in each one of these four turn offs?]
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