1000 Things We Hate #163: Air Shows

7 Jun

A roaring boom vibrates through the air
The exhaust burns up the atmosphere
The crowd watches in awe
The planes swirl

A patron of the show grills up
as the burgers burn
as everyone gapes
as the goddamn plane crashes

I honestly do not understand air shows.  A bunch of hillbillies (sorry, hillbillies) gather together, kick back in their $15 lawn chairs, and they all drink beer while watching planes do things.

Apparently these planes do tricks that cause the heavy set patron drinking that bill to spill a little on themselves (good riddance).  They twirl, they spin, they MOTHERFUCKIN’ CRASH.

I suppose a lot of the thrill is seeing how low a plane can go without crashing, but then it actually crashes.  The pilots stare at death… AND THEN THEY DIE.  What is so thrilling about that?

I just don’t see the awe in watching planes do spins or release exhaust and make ridiculous patterns.  They are burning an unnecessary amount of precious fossil fuels and destroying the atmosphere.  Why is this entertainment?  IT IS DESTROYING THE PLANET.  Oh, let’s just go and watch planes do cool things while they are hundreds of feet above us.  The pilots probably have more fun than the viewers because they get to do the twirls, but the audience doesn’t because they are lame and watching something they are completely incapable of doing. (This is sounding relatively like an argument against NASCAR except those drivers don’t do shit).

OH MY GOD! The French celebrate their country!

Plus, there is something disgustingly patriotic about the whole affair.  I don’t see how watching planes do rather bland tricks is patriotic, but I suppose some really stupid people who drive Chevy trucks believe so.  Maybe they wave little mini-flags… or sing patriotic songs… or fry up the grill and burn themselves slightly even though grilling is the only alternative sport THEY WILL EVER BE GOOD AT.

Air shows, you are ruining the planet for cheap thrills and baseless entertainment.


2 Responses to “1000 Things We Hate #163: Air Shows”

  1. conrad June 8, 2011 at 11:26 AM #

    From my own experience, it’s a lot more community oriented then that. Maybe you’re specifically thinking of the military air shows, but most are just oriented on a lot of pilots gathering at one airfield with their little personal planes (Cessnas, Mooneys, Cubs, etc) and shootin’ the shit with some like minded folks. Think of it as, like, Penny Arcade convention for pilots. Also, not nearly as patriotic as you’re thinking (except perhaps the military ones, which I have no experience with).

    • MechanisticMoth June 8, 2011 at 12:15 PM #

      Yeah, I’m more so thinking the military 4th-of-July, Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day ones. Thanks, though.

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