Why I Am More Attractive than ___

4 Aug

Excluding Biases, I would like to think that I am very attractive… and narcissistic.

So, when it comes to the other male (me being Alpha, naturally) nearby, these are the reasons I find myself more visibly pleasing… or just pleasing in general.

  • I have abs… not a gut.
  • I am tall.
  • I am not a gnome.
  • I don’t crash vans.
  • I’m not from the land of BIG (acquired peacefully from Mexico).
  • Walls of Sweat and Fart and Odor and Dead Skin Cells do not go flying out my door every time I open it.
  • My tan lines do not compare.
  • I do not have that red pointillist upper arm shoulder thing.
  • I have a strong face.
  • With immaculate cheekbones.
  • And killer sideburns that don’t look like worms growing out of my face.
  • I shave without making a mess.
  • And I’m toilet-trained.
  • I’m adorable and don’t slap girls.

These are just the ones I came up with in a couple minutes.  Yay!

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2 Responses to “Why I Am More Attractive than ___”

  1. Summer Glau August 4, 2010 at 10:48 PM #

    I think you have a wide, goofy face, which lends one to believe that your mother, while not considered a recovered addict, definately chose to exercise boundaries most people leave behind in college while you were in your second trimester.
    I find your “tall” appearance, to remind one of the disproportions of, not so much as someone with a dwarfism gene gone tall, but instead of images of early man, learning to traverse the earth as a biped for the first time.
    And your tan lines…I’m rather certain that just because you have about as much uniform skin as a Cullen, does not necessarily create the same magazine ideal of the tall dark and handsome beach tan. The sun causes tan, not just the glow of the prescription light you use to counter the Seasonal Affective Disorder.

    • MechanisticMoth August 4, 2010 at 11:07 PM #

      Hilarious! Thanks!

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