Super HeroiHOT #18: Black Widow

2 Jun

I am the paper burning right now, you make me hot.

Alright, I recognize that I’m a little late to ride the “OMG! Scarlett Johansson is so hot in Iron Man 2!!!” craze.  I’m sorry to not provide more information to little boyz searching for pics of their new favorite superhero to objectify directly out of the movie theater.

Oh yes!

However, that doesn’t mean I’m not preparing for when it’s released on DVD!!! HAHAHAHHH!!!


Streamlined and stylish... sort of

Similar to Catwoman’s latest costume (however, I believe Natasha’s came first), Black Widow is superglued into an incredibly tight, camel-toe inducing affair. Not to mention the occasional “oh my god how does her cleavage not burst out” halfway unzipped top… yeah…

Putting this aside, the costume’s actually pretty good.  It’s streamlined and functional for what she does (hint hint – spy).  I like how the Retcon has it that she was trained in the Black Widow Russian Ops program, and that’s where her name stems from.  So, the tiny embellishment of the red hourglass on the belt (and occasionally wrists) is just enough to add some character to the costume.

Perhaps the most iconic part of the costume is the wrist things.  As shown later, these have guns in them!  Or… well… something of the ilk.  She also puts condensed spy gear in them.  So, it’s like a bat-utility belt but on your wrists.

I wonder if that weighs down her arms to make her punches hurt worse?

Strangely, the red hair and crazy hourglass figure somehow don’t come off as Russian… weird.

Appearance: 8/10


Uh... just a little sadistic

Natasha is pretty cold and manipulative (AKA Russian… oh silly American writers), but she’s been pretty open and warm in her relationship with Bucky Barnes.  I feel like a lot of her problems with her personality stem from being conditioned and brainwashed as a child… just maybe.

Actually, she gets brainwashed a lot… and often turns on allies or gets them to turn on other allies for her.  That’s a little much.

She’s besties with Wolverine (if that implies anything), and hasn’t really aged since the 50s…

Marvel: give her some more personality, flesh out her character some more, and move past the typical narrative/voiced over “I’m a spy, read me thinking to myself and how cool and calculating I am.”  There’s potential for the character as a strong female lead, but she’s sort of trapped at the moment.

So, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure how to tack this one up there.  I suppose that she’s becoming more open.  So, I’ll be kinda fair.

Okay, on second thought, no.  She only gets halfsies.

Personality: 5/10


Kickin' some face with Bucky Barnes and his skinny ankles

So, Natasha -mentioned before – was conditioned in a Russian Program that was meant to create America’s response to the Super Soldier Serum that created Steve Rogers… or something like that.  Really, it’s kinda convoluted.

Anyway, she kicks ass.  She’s a super spy, soldier, intelligent person, and pretty neat.

Nevertheless, her powers aren’t that imaginative and sort of just makes her Female Captain America (Russia).

Nearly shot out the lamp, but at least these heavenly rays are on me

One negative thing: she uses guns.  To me, when you’re a superhero character in a superhero world, using guns is just unnecessary.  Now, guns in comics such as The Walking Dead or Punisher makes more sense because these characters have no powers, but, with Black Widow, it just seems a little excessive.

Woops! Forgot there wasn't just lipstick in these things...

However… she does have guns/stunners/the “Widow’s Bite” on her wrists!

Super Powers: 7/10


Interesting librarian-esque style

Natasha doesn’t have much of a Secret Identity because she’s a spy.  She’s often changing identities.  But, she does ground herself with the relationships she creates with others.  Her and Wolverine are friends and she’s had a good thing going with Bucky Barnes for a bit.

I suppose the thing to take away from her identity is that she’s always changing it when on mission.  So, it’s hard to pin it down.  That’s got to have some consequences on the psyche, one would presume.  However, I’ll be fair and give it a decent score.

Secret Identity: 8/10


Strangely, there are no Additional Items this time around!


28/40 or an admirable 70%

Her powers aren’t anything extraordinary and her personality is a little stale… and, she’s often used as the deux ex machina/plot device to many situations with not many other redeeming qualites…  BUT! She sure looks good.

The character is well-conceived and fairly (considering other portrayals of women) female-friendly, but I believe all of her stories have nearly been expended.

The worst point at which to recall your childhood fear of heights


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