Super HeroiHOT #11: Vampirella

31 Oct

In celebration of Halloween, I’ve decided to do a special SuperHeroiHOT edition featuring everyone’s favorite scantily-clad, alien, demon, vampire girl: Vampirella!

APPEARANCE:

Essentially, her costume’s made out of blood…  Gross.  How’d the white collar not get stained?  She’s got those goth bangs and long hair… Worse than the Star Sapphire Croch Star, she’s got a bat on her crotch.  This costume’s basically a way for little boys to discover the exaggerated female figure and masterbate to.  Plus, it’s really not that flattering since it’s constantly shows off her nipples and makes her hips look super ugly.  This is one of the worst costumes of all time… I’m not even sure if it is a costume, really.

During the 90s, the comic publisher actually dressed woman up in this costume for the cover of the comic… I feel like those woman could possibly have been attractive had it not been for 1.) Them agreeing to be exploited for (probably) a low pay and 2.) This costume makes regular women’s bodies look incredibly disgusting.

Hell, even the shade of Red is a bit too much.  It was even worse when they gave her little black gloves!

Appearance: 0/10

 

PERSONALITY:

Does she have a personality?  I guess she has enough of a brain to constantly get into ridiculously sexual poses whenever someone looks at her.  I’m pretty sure there’s nothing there: black hole; meaningless slate… another male fantasy.

She sort of reminds me of Tyra giving examples on how to be a model on America’s Next Top Model where she’ll just be walking and turn her head to look at the girls to strike a pose… but Vampirella is way worse.  For example:  in this image she’s tied up and bound – totally S&M’d up – where she should be struggling, she looks like she’s posing.

Arching her back, turning her hips, and somehow pushing up her boobs!  It’s crazy how over the top this is!

She’s died and been in hell a couple times… I’m not sure if her lack of a personality came from that or got her there.

Personality: 0/10

 

SUPER POWERS:

She’s basically got all of the powers of a typical vampire… drinks blood to stay alive.  Has regenerative abilities… can grow batwings… turns into a shadow occasionally (But wait, then we can’t see her getting super sexual!), really goofy stuff.  Nothing new or imaginative.

Super Powers: 1/10

 

SECRET IDENTITY:

Well, once she got her memory erased and became a school teacher (but wait!? she didn’t feel awkward wearing normal clothing?)… other than that, she’s from another planet which is actually a part of hell with a stupid name of Drakulon or something, and her mother’s Lilith and she was in love with Adam Van Helsing…  Yep, there’s really nothing that imaginative behind any of this… I suppose that makes sense for a super B-Rate character only renowned for the super sexuality from the 60s.  People only bought that shit to look at the risky poses.

Secret Identity: 0/10

 

ADDITIONAL ITEMS:

Did I mention that all of the comics featuring the character are super sexist with men writers and artists exploiting their fantasies for the fantasies of other men, and they never give a realistic portrayal of a woman?

-5

This comic is basically porn, and it does not further the comic book as a medium in the least.

-5

 

GRAND TOTAL:

Who could have guessed… we have a new, possibly permanent, winner for the lowest score of all time with…

-9/40

YAY!!!

No wonder my sexist, womanizing Grandpa liked this comic so much…

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