Here I go again… I just couldn’t come up with a good character that I had a decent amount of pics of from Marvel or DC this week… So, I relied on someone that would completely work out, anyway… Plus, Watchman’s about to come out on DVD! And yes, I know Watchmen was published by DC, but it’s not part of DC Mythos… so there!
Click on the link to read on!
So, in the classic Watchman comic, Laurie’s costume is really dumb. There’s absolutely no sex appeal. Sure, you get to see some cleavage and stuff, but that’s still not too sexy. What’s practical about this costume? Sure, I get it that the yellow stuff represents the silk of the namesake, but that’s going to rip pretty easy. Laurie’s just a normal human being and this costume adds no protection or practicality. I can imagine that the only bit this helps is with kicking or something since her legs are so exposed… Anyway, this costume’s really stupid and has heels. I guess it just represents everything bad about the 80s.
Now, the costume for the movie definitely amps up the sex appeal, but I still see the practicality lost in it. She has no extraordinary super powers and yet she’s running around in a super squeeky latex costume. Hell, it’s really hot, but sure looks uncomfortable. If I was Laurie with no super powers and just a hot body, I’d be more worried about getting a camel toe than fighting crime. Plus, Megan and I saw the costume in person from the set at the Cartoon Museum of History in SF, and it looked like a ridiculous fit. So, I guess kudos to the actress for bearing with it, but not to the costume.
The highly shaded nakedness is nice, Laurie… but, you seriously have to try harder! I mean, one of your breasts is about twice the side of your head.
Heh Heh… asses.
Okay, Laurie’s a bit of a whiny bitch… a lot. But, I guess that’s what you get for being the only female character in the whole story. She cares about other people and that’s what partly got her to be a super hero, but she was kind of forced into filling her Mom’s shoes. She has a tendency to act pretty crazy, too.
One moment, she’s acting all sweet and caring:
and then… what the hell!? Crazy and angry and throwing shit! Plus, she’s stumbling over words… that’s never a good sign.
Also, she has some really weird commitment/personal/self-esteem issues. I mean, she totally gets turned on and wants love after all of New York City dies… That’s pretty sick… and kinky… but sick.
Okay, really… Laurie kind of freaks me out. I mean, she totally reminds me of “stalker girl” in high school but a lot more attractive because anyone could be more attractive than “stalker girl.” If you went out on a date with Laurie, it would probably go something like:
Laurie: It’s so great to see you! It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
Counterpart: Yeah, I totally agree. So, how’s it going with Dr. Manhattan?
Laurie: Alright… I mean… well, horrible. He tried to have a threesome with me and himself and himself, and I totally didn’t want that shit.
Counterpart: Wow, I wasn’t really trying to find out that much…
Laurie: You look really great, you know… ummm, do you want to kiss on a balcony?
Counterpart: Wait… What!? I just wanted to catch up for old time’s sake…
Laurie: You don’t love me!? What the fuck!? With everything I’ve sacrificed in my life for you… you men!
*promptly throws the salt shaker at something… possibly the waitress*
Counterpart: Hey, hey… calm down now… it’s alright…
Laurie: It’s not alright… you don’t love me!!! I only turn you on in my ridiculous costume don’t I!? God, even Rorschach would fuck me, but you’re not going to!
Counterpart: What the hell!?
I think I captured the magic… Laurie’s completely unstable. What does Nite-Owl see in this chick?
One thing I really love in super hero characters is when they don’t have any powers… they frankly just kickass. It gives a little, aspiring Elliott hope to someday become the next Nightwing or something. So, I definitely admire that Laurie is completely disciplined in kicking ass via martial arts.
Being self-taught and trained requires a shitload of discipline that normal human beings don’t have, and that’s why these super heroes stand out.
Look, there’s little thirteen year old Laurie working out! Go her! My only problem is that Laurie’s a bit too much of a priss to get dirty and fight… she mostly just got into the superhero business so she could sleep around with teammates. Plus, she used a gun at one point. From the Batman doctrine, that’s no good.
I guess I’m okay with it… but really, all that training doesn’t seem justified when you use a gun.
SUPER POWERS: 6/10
After heroes were banned through the courts, Laurie’s secret identity remained well maintained. She was basically known as the girlfriend of Doctor Manhattan and got to live with him in his posh, steel, government-provided research facility. So, there’s nothing too wrong here, and I’m glad she could go on and live a somewhat normal life… but there’s really no alter ego… she just puts on a costume and exists for the whole purpose of the story.
SECRET IDENTITY: 6/10
She’s not into threesomes with giant, blue mutated men… seriously… what a shame. Actually, I don’t know if this is a pro or a con… but I might as well just go con.
She smokes… a lot. I seriously believe she smokes just on the pages of Watchmen 20 or so times… I’m glad they got rid of that in the movie because smoking just doesn’t equal sexy. She kind of looks like a heroin addict when she does, too.
She gets around… I mean, really… costume or not, that’s just too much… especially since she’s like 16 in the first image. Then again… I guess losing your virginity to a giant, blue man doesn’t sound too bad…
She finds gigantic, blue penises revolting. Give the man a break if he likes to be naked all the time and on mars with no inkling of an idea of human emotion anymore, alright!? …and I’m definitely not misinterpreting this image… it’s not like she can’t breath on Mars or anything, right?
She swears… I like myself a girl who sounds like a pirate while wearing a skull thing around her neck!
OHHH… god… I’m sorry Alan Moore… I mean… Watchmen was a great book and all, but, I hate to say it… The movie version (he hates movie versions of his books) of Laurie has just a little bit more going for her…
Okay, Okay… Judging by her small frame it’s not much more going for her, but still… She has a bit sexier of an outfit, she doesn’t smoke, and she seems like a little bit more of a badass… I’m sorry Alan, but the grand score is:
Shit, man… that sucks.
Oh my god! Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD! Please, Alan… don’t hurt me… I was just trying to be fair!
You guys… I think I’ve been marked by scary writer man.