The Three Sexiest Sports of All Time

18 Jun

So, this stemmed from a back and forth message between Megan and I over Facebook.  She was conveying to me a news article in Australia about three Rugby players breaking a bathtub while bathing together nude and calling it a pretty homosexual sport.  I defended it and then listed the three best sports… ever!  I’ve also talked to Aaron a lot about this.  So, now, it’s time to spread my love and joy for all of these sports to you.

#3.) Roller Derby:

So, I first discovered this sport a couple years ago when Aaron’s mom invited us to go and watch her co-worker play… yeah, her 40+ coworker playing roller derby in these questionable outfits and beating the shit out of each other.  Roller Derby really does bring Sexy to a sport.  It’s an all women’s sport that can be played by any woman with any body shape and from all walks of life.  That’s my favorite part about it: any woman can play it.  The sport allows you to basically dress up like it’s halloween and feel sexy while getting out some aggression by hitting someone.  In my opinion, most girls who play Roller Derby are super sexy because they’re so self-confident putting their bodies out their and playing a kickass sport.

Now, to tell you the truth, at first, I was skeptical.  I saw all these women dressed up trashy and the rules of the game were kind of lost to me, but once you sit right on the sidelines and get some action in your face, you know how awesome this sport is.  When you spectate a bout you feel like you’re really part of an underground movement, and that’s really special for the audience and the players.  Sure, it helps if you like to see a bit of violence… yeah, that definitely helps… like the one time when one of the coaches was trying to break up a fight and he got roller skated in the face which broke his nose… yeah, that was awesome.

Here’s a decent video showing a couple clips from the game following two teams and giving a decent idea of why they do it:

#2.) Rugby

Sure, it can appear really gay, but hey, gayness in sports is starting to become really sexy.  Sure, I really don’t understand how the game works at all… I basically just watch it for the concussions and awesome tackles.  It’s basically a sport where a leg break isn’t uncommon (trust me, there’s many delightful videos of this)!  I’ve only watched one game in person and that was a high school league with a couple of my friends/acquantences playing… even then, I could taste the beauty of the sport in the air… the short shorts, being considered not a man for taping down your ears, lots of touching of each other’s butts, only a cup and occasionally knee pads for protection (my friend, Matt, however used neither), where mouthguards are recommended but only so you don’t get AIDS from the other guy bleeding (thanks again for that one, Matt), lifting up of players into the air by grabbing their asses and holding their balls next to each other’s faces… yeah, it’s totally not a homoerotic sport. 

Now, there’s one thing that will go completely undisputed… and that’s Chabal being the greatest player known to man.  He’s tall, rugged, handsome, bearded, uses babies as rugby balls, ruthless, mean, brutal, sexy, and the most dangerous thing ever to be exported from France. 

It’s definitely a better sport in person like all three of these sports (even though Ultimate rules the two of them by having way better looking highlights).  Anyway, here’s some clips of awesomeness with a sprinkle of homoeroticism:

#1.) Ultimate Frisbee:

Nothing says sexy like throwing a disc through the air and watching someone totally extend their body and jump 7 ft. outwards for the sole purpose of catching the disc and having a mouthfull of grass at the end.  Ultimate asks you to make the decision constantly to put your body on the line.  The other two sports have other players to remind you that you’re totally not going to be feeling well after the game’s done, while Ultimate’s completely up to you how sore and how much glory you will have gained by the end of it.  Sure, I’m bias because I play Ultimate, but once you watch the clips I’m embedding, you’ll understand why.  Ultimate’s an all around sport combining the best parts of basketball, soccer, football, and some other sports with a disc.  It takes endurance, skill, and heart.  The sport’s completely self-ref’d and everyone’s really on good terms with each other and the other team.  I’ve always been on great terms with most of the other teams we’ve played and when it’s all said and done, everyone’s going to party with each other.  Plus, there’s this thing called “spirit of the game” which is basically just being really chill towards each other and getting naked a lot… yeah, that’s pretty damn sexy. 

Women and Men alike play Ultimate in leagues of their own or co-ed leagues.  The sport is quickly rising in popularity because it’s easy to play (hard to master), accessible, fun, builds lots of teamwork almost as much as Soccer, and appeals to everyone.  Roller Derby’s great for it’s appeal to Women to play, Rugby is great for manly men and women with fantasies, but Ultimate can get everyone and anyone to play… Seriously, I’ve played with a guy who only had one arm, once!  The friendliness and bonds built through Ultimate cheesily last a lifetime and it’s one of those games that people observing should never be afraid of walking up and asking “hey, can I play?”

Plus, did you know that you can throw a frisbee in more than 15 unique ways?  Sure, most of them are useless for a game, but I bet you won’t look at a disc the same way, now.

Anyway, before I write a Bible of Love for Ultimate, here’s some awesome clips, and yeah, this vids compiled from only a handfull of games… people really do lay out that often:

Well, I hope I increased your interest in some great sports!

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