Super HeroiHOT #5: Sailor Moon

11 Jun

Just as a note about the SuperHeroiHOT series: I haven’t been posting as many as I thought, but I’ll try to keep up.  The tab for the SuperHeroiHOTs isn’t going to be updated until August because I don’t have Photoshop at the moment.  Nevertheless, I’ll get that done.

Okay, I’m just going to say… yeah, you betchya there was a comic for Sailor Moon… So, yes, she’s eligible for Super HeroiHOT!  Granted, the comic came after the television series and only lasted 35 issues, but it had some gorgeous covers and some of the best artwork TokyoPop has ever released.

Anyway, what girl doesn’t remember Sailor Moon reruns on Cartoon Network and wishing they could be just like Serena (or Usagi for those Japanese purists)?  Or, what boy doesn’t remember watching Sailor Moon from the doorway or grumbling aloud to their sister about the show while secretly enjoying it?  The television show had such a basic format of a season storyline facing some greater evil with each episode having Sailor Moon and her Sailor Scouts (the planets, including, at the time, Pluto) fighting a smaller evil until the reached the last couple of episodes where there was a climatic battle in which you didn’t really find out the outcomes until the last 5 min. of the last episode of the season or the first episode of the next season.

So, my sister knows way more on Sailor Moon… so, I’m going to consult her on  a lot of the factual stuff.

Appearance:

So, there’s no doubt why one of Serena’s nicknames is Meatball Head or Dumpling… Really, the haircut is a cultural phenomenon.  I created Sailor Moon in Mortal Kombat Armageddon for my sister as a joke… and they actually provided all the pieces – including the hair – in their create a character function. 

The basic outfit kind of stems from the Japanese School Girl uniforms while adding some neat little bow ties here and there.  It’s a little weird (my sister agrees) that these 14 year old girls have perfect boobs and great legs (sometimes the skirts come up so you can see their ass… weird) to show off… but, trust me, to a 14 year old boy… that was fuckin’ awesome!

Over the seasons, Sailor Moon’s outfit often changed with basic, minute details being added.  The bows get longer then some rainbows are added with kind of a butterfly outline, and then she gets the (typical) angel wings and “big, puffy 80’s shoulders” according to my sister.

Overall, my favorite was the butterfly thing, and, as far as japanime goes, I really like the costume… despite being a pedophile for it.

Appearance: 9/10

 

Personality:

Sailor Moon

So, Serena’s… well, she’s a clutz.  She’s unreliable, forgetful, selfish, a pig, and lazy… basically, she’s your average teenager.  I’m okay with that, but I’m not about to take her on a date in public.  I mean really, you couldn’t take her for Italian because the waiter would make a joke about already having some spaghetti and meatballs, and then she would probably make the guy trip and fall face first into my crotch… not to mention she’d be twenty minutes late because she forgot about the date…. yeah… second thoughts here.

Nevertheless, for some reason once she dons the Sailor costume or gets into her whole moon-vibe, Serena becomes the sweetest, most caring girl on the planet.  …Okay, my sister disagrees with me (yeah, she’s reading over my shoulder, poop face)… Anyway, she says Serena’s already caring and stuff before she puts on the costume, and the costume just makes her more couragous.  Nevertheless, this is the girl that would bring you soup to you when you’re sick without being asked to (which actually happened in an episode my sister ackowledges… during the Doom Tree series she geekily guesses).

So, she’s a decent catch.  I feel like a lot of the bad qualities will go away after she gets through puberty as shown through her future self being incredibly polite and poised.  So, maybe it’d be better off to date her after she gets done through the whole poopuberty stage.

Personality: 7/10

 

Superpowers:

Like Serena’s costume, her powers change from season to season with minor additions or variations.

Serena’s powers do nothing to harm another person or evil demon thing unless they’re super bad people (so yes, there’s some kicking ass)… basically, she purifies them of their evil.  So, most of the names for her powers have “_____ Healing” or some variation of.

I like the idea of healing instead of kicking ass, but it kind of comes off just a bit too girly in the series…. girly with a lot of cheese attached.  Plus, there’s a lot of hearts and pink involved in her superpowers… kind of weird.

That’s her Moon Tiara Magic from primarily season 1 and 2… yeah, it’s a boomerang attached to her face!  Unfortunately, she loses it.  Damn, you could get a bitchload for it on eBay, Serena.

Then we got this sceptre thing, which there’s a lot of them… Frankly, not as cool as the tiara, and I really wished she would use it as a club for some good ol’ Ultra-Violence.

Okay, we all got to admit, the best part of her powers was seeing her transform from lazy Serena to Sailor moon in the copy and pasted 5 min. transformations that occured at least once in every episode… which you’ve got to admit…

It’s pretty boner worthy.

Superpowers: 7/10

 

Secret Identity:

So, it’s pretty obvious who Sailor Moon is in real life, but as my sister’s been giggly telling me: everyone’s really fucking stupid.  Okay, how many blonde, japanese girls with that goddamn haircut are roaming around Japan?  Hmm?  Yeah, fuck that shit Negaverse, you’re goddamn dumbasses. 

Whenever someone finds out her identity, they get killed by their evil boss before they have a chance to tell the boss… talk about micromanagement not working.  hmm, I wonder how our economy got so fucked up… just saying.

Ultimately, Serena’s not that good at keeping her Secret Identity a secret, and her cat Luna spends a lot of her time bitching about it.  Really, when a cat’s complaining, you better listen.  Oh well.

So, she’s a school girl trying to live an average life while balancing her powers and battling scantily clad evil people (pasties in season three, folks!)… kind of sounds like Buffy… neverthless, it works… even if I’m not a fan of the repetitive motif.

Secret Identity: 7/10

 

 Cons:

Okay, I’m pretty sure that Serena/Usagi’s cat, Luna, is smarter than she is… how are you supposed to fight evil when a cat can do your homework faster than you can?

-1

So, Serena/Usagi is destined to always be with Darien/Mamaru and rule over Crystal Tokyo with their future daughter Rini/Chibusa.  Granted, Tuxedo Mask is pretty dreamy.  So, there’s no gettin’ into her pants anytime soon.

-1

Okay, this probably isn’t too fair, but I wasn’t going to type this post without mentioning it… the live action series was godawful and looks like after they were done spending money on the dumbass costumes in a sweatshop they only had $20 left in their budget.  Serena’s hair works in the cartoon series, but Japanese people were just not meant to have blonde hair… if you ever feel like you need to regurgitate a meal, YouTube Sailor Moon Live Action.

-1

 

So, the original Japanese series actually had the outer scouts of Neptune and Uranus as Lesbians, but the relationship was edited out and turned into a “cousinly” relationship for the American version.  Nevertheless, I’m giving a +1 for pushing the boundaries Japan, and making things more acceptible… however, the transvestites in the last season only for Japan was just a bit too much.

+1

Cons: -2

 

THE OVERALL TOTAL IS…

28/40

or

70%

That’s a damn good showing based on my scales, Sailor Moon.  So, great job, grow up, dump Darien, don’t have that kid, and get my number… then we’ll talk.

Oh yeah, and you better betchya my sister helped me with the tags.

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3 Responses to “Super HeroiHOT #5: Sailor Moon”

  1. cory November 24, 2009 at 5:35 AM #

    sailor moon is the best anime ever, I even know someone who does the best sailor moon cosplay !
    http://www.japansugoi.com/wordpress/how-to-transform-yourself-into-sailor-moon/

  2. Aergia July 25, 2010 at 6:04 PM #

    The live action was incredibly cheesy but it was awesome none the less!

    I’m not sure but I believe they never brought the last season to the US because the Sailor Stars change genders from males to females.

  3. mason November 6, 2010 at 6:56 AM #

    dear salior moon you the best i away watch you everyday and i want to ask you something love but i sex

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