Super HeroiHOT #14: Psylocke

2 Mar

Pink, skin, purple hair, everything that's stereotypically girly and fulfilling of fantasies

I decided to go after another X-Men today.  I realize that I haven’t done a Super HeroiHOT in awhile, but such is the life.  Plus, I just uploaded images for 4 characters I plan on doing soon to ComicVine over the weekend.  So, HA!

Overall, I felt like my 1000 Things We Hate post from earlier didn’t get out my full vehemence… So, I chose a character that could do that.

APPEARANCE:

This is all you need to know about Psylocke: ass and S&M fantasies

Psylocke… You are on Vampirella’s level.  This is especially apparent during the Jim Lee era of Psylocke where she was constantly flaunting around in a thong.  I mean, really, Psylocke represents everything that was bad about the 90s, and her recent revival within the last 10 years has barely done anything to cover up that sexist mess.  What’s wrong with this costume/the whole character design is pretty obvious… nevertheless, here’s a list:

  • She’s a ninja… You have the dark color scheme… mixed with about 70% skin
  • All ass
  • Impractical!
  • Giant breasts
  • Impossible frame
  • Supposed to be Japanese (now) but comes usually off as European
  • S&M lacey boot things
  • Long, loose, purple hair (you’re a ninja…)
  • Bandanna on waist should probably catch on things
  • Purple Hair with a dark blue/purple costume… Seriously?

IMPRACTICAL!!!

She honestly just does not have good costume choices.  The time she spends in the hood and almost entirely covered (seen later) is a move in the positive direction, but the color palette is still impractical, the material of the clothes is too light, and I really just don’t get it.

Point your toes! Arch your back! Hang your ass!

This one point down here, is only because you don’t have a boob window… If that was the case, this would be one of the worst costumes ever.

Appearance: 1/10


PERSONALITY:

That's very concise.

Psylocke is pretty flat as a character.  I mean, she seemed more interesting back before she did that whole switching bodies things.  Some European girl riding the wave of Super Heroidom with psychic powers is a bit more compelling than another ninja.

See, that Crimson Dawn tattoo above her eye?  Apparently, that made her really angry and cold despite it saving her life.  Overall, I find her a frigid ice queen.

The problem is is that she really has this convoluted back story.  So, it’s hard to get into what drives her character aside from the regular reactionary stuff.  I want to know why she keeps going.  Why does she dress up the way she does?  Is there some purpose other than giving 11 year olds hard-ons?

Well, the way everyone has written her doesn’t provide this.  Things happen to her.  She does things in return.  She’s pretty damn easy to manipulate.  Unlike Karai, I feel that her willpower is little to none.

I would not want to go out on a date with this girl… It would just involve a lot of staring awkwardly past her hoping to see someone I know and me mostly just talking about myself for her to punctuate the conversation with a “Yes, I agree.”

Wow, a bathrobe provides her with more modesty!

Personality: 2/10


SUPER POWERS:

The costume's alright. I've always been a sucker for hoods. Jumping at Emma Frost... you're a ninja... you can do better.

The one skill that makes Psylocke stand out from the rest is her little psionic or whatever you may call it dagger thing that comes out of her arm.  It’s a pretty neat pink bedazzle that functions to slice and dice.

Other than that, Psylocke functions as your typical psychic meets assassin.

My Telekinetic Powers come out of my hips, crotch, and arched back, too!

A very frustrating thing about all of her skills is that she hardly uses them in conjunction with each other.  I mean, really, you could do a telekinetic pull while running off a wall and jumping at the person.  These two powers really work well together but she either does one or the other.

My skill set involves showing off some booty shots!

To top all of this off, Psylocke has been through a lot of shit.  Apparently she’s supposed to be a super badass ninja, and yet all of the times she’s been pulverized by (Sabretooth, mostly) loads of people really begs the question of “is she as powerful as the grandiose comics claim?”

Overall, she has a decent skill set, but the originality lies within a weapon and the mix of two of the most common powers ever… so, how far do you really expect her to go?

Super Powers: 5/10

SECRET IDENTITY:

Hey! Look! She actually looks Japanese... except they're making her read a girly magazine... way to amp up the image, Marvel!

Back when she had a European body, it seemed like she was a young teen trying to have fun and make sense of the world.

Nowadays, she basically just focuses on whatever she’s heading for/against which eliminates the opportunity for a developed secret identity.  When the occasion presents itself, she’s often characterized as a pseudo-typical (according to male eyes) woman who likes the girly things in life.

But mostly, she’s just distracted by business.

Secret Identity: 2/10


ADDITIONAL:

She’s naked in those “cute,” “ditsy,” “circumstantial,” “girly” ways a lot.

I am a princess (sort of) so you better!

Common utterances for women, I'm sure.

"Oh Dear," indeed.

- 5

Quite frankly, I just don’t see Psylocke of having any redeeming qualities aside from a tangled mess of a history, shitty costume, and lack of continuity.

This basically sums up everything impractical about Psylocke. Sure, the up shot is supposed to empower her, but it basically functions to highlight her crotch. Plus, why would you wear fabric that tears so goddamn easily? And, does she look Japanese? Because, I sure as hell don't think so.

- 5

GRAND TOTAL:

0/40

…Ummm, this kinda means that I could have gone without the whole process of judging you for Super HeroiHOT…

Here’s some advice, Marvel:
– Re-develop Psylocke’s backstory into something coherent
– Re-design her hooded costume into something ninja appropriate (see Karai’s outfit from the TMNT animated movie)
– If the redevelopment of her backstory still maintains her as Japanese, then make sure she looks Japanese in every goddamn frame, you idiots
– Develop a voice for the character… she can’t just react to every goddamn thing.  She has to have agency.  Revenge motive or what?
– While developing, make sure that there’s just as much emphasis on her normal life as that of her super-heroing
– Re-think her powers.  I like her powers, but I don’t feel like they’re utilized in the appropriate way or to the degree that she flaunts it
– Put a strong writer on the book.  I would highly suggest a woman in the vein of what Gail Simone is doing with Wonder Woman or even what Greg Rucka (a man) is doing with Batwoman

If not even one of these suggestions is followed, then you’re going to have yet another piece of shit female character trash that will continually fuck up your image for women, Marvel.

On that note, I am picking up Girl Comics, tomorrow.

Sorry, you're pretty much useless, anyway.

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9 Responses to “Super HeroiHOT #14: Psylocke”

  1. NB March 3, 2010 at 9:12 AM #

    Pretty accurate ranking. Good work :)

    Maybe you could do Jean Grey, Storm and Emma Frost as well sometime?

    • MechanisticMoth March 3, 2010 at 1:42 PM #

      Keep on the lookout. I’m trying to avoid going all X-men’d out, but they’re definitely up there. I was looking at Jean Grey last night and thinking through how I would rank her. At the moment, I’m turning the focus back on some characters from not the main lines of DC or Marvel such as: Snow (from Fables), Frau (from Fables), Ellen Baker (Animal Man’s Wife), and Dizzy Cordova (from 100 Bullets)… Okay, those are all related to DC in some way…

      So, you’re probably on a good track suggesting I mix in another X-men now that I realize it.

      Problem is: I really love doing these, but I don’t do them frequently enough. They’re a huge time consumer with each post taking about 2 or more hours to craft. And, to be honest, I like to focus on characters that I’ve read really well. I’ve read a decent amount of X-Men, but I know for sure that I probably couldn’t give Emma Frost a fair rating.

  2. Meg March 1, 2011 at 8:03 PM #

    I have to say her dagger is not the most original I’ve seen … Megan Gwynn (Pixie) has a souldagger that looks the exact same …except that Megan gets all dark when she whips her dagger out because it’s actually a part of her soul … so yeah … and Pixie could totally kick Psylocke’s ass anyday … so putting that into your list … miss Psylocke is now at a negative number out of 40

  3. holy fuck your site sucks October 9, 2011 at 2:38 AM #

    Wow your post is so far off.. Psylocke has to have one of the best and complex Stories from marvel. Your break down’s on comic book char i have seen are so far from being right. just from being on your site i want to shoot my self. please don’t quit your day job cause your site sucks ass.

  4. i like ass on my girls (why the hell dont you) December 13, 2012 at 8:15 PM #

    wow, guys…
    I mean…
    wow that wasted 3 min’s
    but I feel a bit sorry
    for all of you.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Super HeroiHOT #20: Elektra « MechanisticMoth - June 4, 2010

    [...] like Psylocke (having almost identical costumes, too!), Elektra now serves no further purpose other than being [...]

  2. 1000 Things We Hate #127: The Marvel Sash « MechanisticMoth - December 19, 2010

    [...] you can see in the above image, Psylocke happens to have a red sash across her hips/lower midriff.  As discussed in the previous post for [...]

  3. Acts of Vengeance: Uncanny X-Men – Wolverine, Jubilee & Psylocke vs. The Mandarin (Review/Retrospective) « the m0vie blog - May 6, 2012

    [...] previously wore relatively conservative battle armour, into little more than a fetish object, with her purple thong-like swimsuit. I’m more inclined to see the purple swimsuit as an homage to Elektra, and it’s worth [...]

  4. X-Men by Jim Lee and Chris Claremont (and Marc Silvestri) Omnibus, Vol. 1 (Review/Retrospective) « the m0vie blog - May 21, 2012

    [...] personality, or why the complete extreme makeover doesn’t seem to be a big deal to her. Given the tendency of later writers and artists to objectify Psylocke, I wonder if Claremont missed an opportunity to clarify what he was going for here. Still, I think [...]

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